


Rubber Haze

by Sebvetlove



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Hallucinations, M/M, Mentions of Mark Webber, Mercedes AMG, Recreational Drug Use, Red Bull Racing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sebvetlove/pseuds/Sebvetlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based at the first race with Lewis and Nico at Mercedes, so Seb is at Red Bull. Drug and Alcohol References throughout.<br/>Inspired by Rapt- Karen O</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rubber Haze

**Author's Note:**

> Very cracky fluff. 
> 
> Don't do drugs, kids.

'I can't believe it!' Cried Lewis. 'I can't fucking believe it! We're teammates!'

'Calm down man, you're embarrassing us in front of the whole garage...' Nico said. The boys were practising for their first race together. The garage team looked on as the pair celebrated being on the Mercedes team.

'Whose idea was it to put them together?' Said Niki to Toto. Toto shook his head. 'Weirdos,' he muttered.

That evening Lewis and Nico went to the bar to celebrate, and well, get drunk. They were already tipsy after drinking a few glasses of Champagne, when Nico pulled out a Motorsport magazine.

'Ay Lewis,' he said, slightly slurred. 'Let's play a drinking game. Let's take a shot of Limoncello whenever Vettel is mentioned in this magazine.'

'Are you..' Replied Lewis. 'Are you tryna get me drunk, Britney?'

'Don't call me that. Now let's play.' He opened the magazine. 'You start reading the first page.'

'Okay,' Lewis started. 'Red Bull's Sebastian V... Aw shit!' Lewis took a shot. It stung as it burned down his throat. 'Okay, Nico,' he said, turning to the next page. 'Your turn.'

Nico started reading. 'Is Mark Webber finally done with teammate Sebastian... Okay maybe this was a bad idea.' Nico took a shot. 'Bleugh! That tastes like floor cleaner!'

'It was your idea, Britney.'

'Whatever Lewis, your turn.'

Lewis turned the page and it was a picture-only page. 'Haha! Only a picture!'

'You have to read the caption, Lewis..'

Lewis squinted his eyes to read the small font. 'Kimi Raikkonen with good friend Sebastian... Okay I give up! You win!'

'At least take the shot man,' said Nico. His voice was getting more slurred and distorted by the second.

'Oh.. Okay..' Lewis took the shot. His face was going a little red. 'I'm done with this shit!'

'Okay man, let's go to my trailer now.' Nico said, while paying the bartender.

'Why your trailer, do you have a solid gold television from Monaco or something?' Lewis giggled.

'Better..' Nico smiled, grabbing Lewis' hand and pulling him out of the bar.

The duo stumbled towards Nico's trailer, and miraculously made it inside. Lewis collapsed on the couch.

'Ah, this is so soft,' he said, stroking the seat. He looked to his left, and found a record player in the corner of the trailer. 'A record player, what are you, Kimi's age?' He giggled.

'Shut up, it's my dad's,' Nico replied, his voice lazy, saturated with alcohol.

'I know, who else would listen to this Classical stuff?'

'...I like it too.' Nico went up to the player, and put the record on. Lewis scowled.

'Anyway,' Nico continued. 'Look what I got!' He crouched down and opened a drawer, reaching deep inside. He pulled out some paper and a plastic bag.... Filled with weed.

'What the fuck, man?' Lewis said, smiling. 'How did you get this?'

'Stole it from my dad..'

'You're a grown man and you steal grass from your dad.... You sneaky son of a bitch!' Lewis laughed.

'Do you want some or not?' Nico said, rolling up a joint.

'Hell yeah!' Lewis replied. Nico handed him a spliff, and took a lighter out of his pocket to light it. The flame flickered and Lewis inhaled, immediately slumping on the couch, relaxing. Soon, both of them were intoxicated, reclining and laughing in the smoke while Beethoven played in the background.

'You know what sucks?' Nico asked.

'What?' Lewis muttered, dizzily.

'This magazine.' Nico pulled out the magazine from his pocket. 'It's supposed to be like, Motorsport news. But do you know what it should be called?'

'What, Nico? Tell me tell me!' Lewis went suddenly hyper, like a crazy puppy.

'The diary of Sebastian Vittel...'

'Hehe. You're funny. It's not Vittel, that's your water bottle...'

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

'It's Vettel, V-E-T-T-L-E!'

'Lewis I think you're wrong as well,' Nico giggled.

'You know what Nico,' Lewis said, 'One day it will be me on every page of that magazine, and you'll be the Kimi next to me.'

'I'm not Kimi, I'm Mark!' Nico replied.

'Why would you be Mark?'

'I dunno,' Nico snorted. Nico rose from the couch. 'You know what I think of this magazine?' Nico took his lighter and set the magazine on fire. 'Haha, that'll show you!' He dumped the burning magazine in the sink.

'Ay Nico, why do you wanna be Mark? Why not Kimi?' Lewis asked again as Nico sat back down.

'Cus you know, Kimi and Seb are, you know..' Nico winked.

'They're listening to Beethoven while high?'

'No, Lewis that's us. No Kimi and Seb are fucking each other.'

'What! That's not true! You lie, Rosberg!'

'Oh come on, you see how they look at each other..'

'Yeah, but... Wait a minute! You want to be Mark cus you don't wanna be gay with me!'

'Well, we're not together...'

'I'm offended! And I thought we had something.' There was an awkward pause. The pair looked to each other. Their eyes met. Nico leaned in, and Lewis closed the gap. Their lips lightly brushed before they kissed.

'Not bad, Britney,' Lewis joked.

'I don't want to be Mark anymore. I'm Kimi.'

Lewis smiled. 'Yas, Das ist gut,' he mocked, in a very poor German accent. He leaned in for another kiss.

The next morning, Nico and Lewis woke up in each other's arms. They both had a pounding headache. Nico was the first to wake up.

'Aw fuck,' he muttered. 'Can't tell if this hangover is from the alcohol or the drugs.'

'Probably both,' Lewis replied. Nico's voice had woken him up. 'Hey where's my clothes?' He asked.

'Oh shit,' Nico said as he looked under the covers. Lewis laughed.

'Look on the bright side,' he said. 'At least we didn't get married.' Nico smiled back.

'Yeah, it could be a lot worse,' Nico said as he got up. 'Ready for quali?'

'Fuck no, give me another five minutes..' Nico sighed.

After a few homemade hangover cures, and many slaps in the face, the boys were ready for qualifying. Nico sat in his car, eyes on the track.

'Okay, just don't think about last night... Hehe Vittel, can't believe I said that... Focus, Nico, Focus.'

Meanwhile, in the other Mercedes, Lewis was in the zone. The wrong zone.

'Hehe,' he giggled. 'Nico listens to Beethoven. What a twat. 'Lewis looked in his mirror, and saw Seb and Kimi preparing to race. 'Here comes the bride..' He sang.

The lights went out and Q1 begun. Despite being slightly intoxicated by the events of last night, the Mercedes were still able to hold a 1-2. By the time Q1 ended, the top three were the usual HAM ROS VET. Soon, Q2 began. The tiredness starting kicking in. Lewis started slipping up, missing the Apex, letting Nico to set a faster lap. However, trouble soon approached the German as he made a miscalculation, or perhaps no calculation at all, and he spun around.

'Shit!' Said Nico. That mishap cost him precious seconds off the clock. Seb came in and took the fastest lap. Q2 finished as VET ROS HAM as Q3 began. Vettel was storming in the lead, and over each lap he was shaving seconds off the clock. Nico scowled as the Red Bull left him in the dust. He just had to push harder.

'Come on baby, you can do it!' He shouted at the car. Nico focused hard, hitting the apex at just the right time, navigating corners flawlessly. He soon overtook Vettel's fastest lap.

Meanwhile, Lewis was also playing catch up. He sped up, slowly cutting down his lap time, until he overtook Seb's time. Sebastian went for a pit stop, so Lewis was soon neck and neck with Nico.

'I'll get you Nico, for you are the Kimi to my Seb..' Lewis muttered.

Lewis slid on the outside curve, overtaking Nico beautifully. He cheered to himself. Nico was not a happy German.

'Fuck you Hamilton!' He shouted. Unfortunately his Team Radio was on.

'Language, Nico.' His team called.

'Sorry,' he apologised. Despite being half stoned and drunk, the Mercedes boys were able to keep a 1-2. It must have been a miracle, or some supernatural power. Lewis had pole position for the race the next day.

It was the day of the race. Lewis and Nico were pumped. All their fatigue had faded out, and they were back to their normal, competitive, annoying selves. Lewis was in pole, looking back at Nico from his mirror.

'You're going down, Britney.'

Nico stared at the Mercedes on his right. He spoke to himself.

'You're going down, Hamilton.'

The race began. At first, things were going smoothly. Lewis dominated the first ten laps, and held the lead steady for the next ten. But on lap twenty, something strange happened.

'Woah..' Lewis whispered. He held up his right hand, turning it around. 'My hand is big man... Woah it doesn't end!'

Nico was even worse. He saw a pink elephant run across the track. 'Woah man, that shit is cool... I'm going to run it over.' Nico turned his car and started chasing the 'elephant'. He ended hitting the tyres, grounding his car into the gravel. As the stewards came towards him, he got out of the car.

'That.. Was...Awesome!' Nico shouted, raising his arms in the air.

Lewis was delirious. His car was swaying side to side, scaring the other drivers.

'Oh magical fairy!' He called. 'Lead me to the rainbow treasure. ' The fairy led his car to a tyre barrier, and Lewis was also out of the race.

'What was that? You went crazy out there!' A furious Toto Wolff shouted.

'Fuck you Toto!' Both the boys called. They stormed away, leaving Toto open-mouthed in shock. The duo went to the pit wall and slumped against it.

'Ay Lewis,' Nico said, slovenly.

'What?'

'I love you. '

'Hehe,' Lewis replied. 'That's deep, man. I love you too.' Nico lunged forward and kissed Lewis deeply. Sebastian was around the corner when he saw them.

'Psst!' He called. 'Kimi! Come here.' Kimi went and saw what was happening. He was shocked.

'I told you,' Seb continued. 'I told you they were together!'


End file.
